I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
