I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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