do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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