I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
