Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
