from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
