Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
