im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dicks are not precious.
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