I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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