at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
