I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
