you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
