You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
