I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
