This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
