so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
