You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want nice things and good sex
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
