the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
