This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
