The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
