I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
