Dude my mom stole all your condoms
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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