Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
