I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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