Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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