can we get nightvision for the apartment?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
