First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
