He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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