Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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