So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't think brook has ever known best
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
