You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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