he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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