2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize