Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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