so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do herpes really smell.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
