I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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