i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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