Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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