were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
