That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
