Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
