So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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