Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
