I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
