Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
