he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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