her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
