Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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