tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
please come you make the beer taste better
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
