You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
