I just pynch a tree in the face
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
