I hate all girls vehemently.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
