the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
