pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
