And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
