Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
