It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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