I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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