I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
