Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
