first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
