so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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