Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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