i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize