Screwed.edu
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I party with great urgency now.
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