i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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