I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
