I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
