im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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