I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
