I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
